Northern Philippines • What Happens in the Porn Cave

Northern Philippines • What Happens in the Porn Cave…

If you ever do the cave tour in Sagada, you’ll see Sumaguing Cave, not only a spectacle to traverse through, but also a very fun workout if you’re into spelunking, climbing or getting wet underground.

Oh, it’s also called The Porn Cave which I’m sure we can all agree is the best cave name ever.

Purely for fun (and educational purposes, but mostly fun), the local guides have identified four rock formations inside the cave that resemble a man and a woman’s milk and cookies. They’re named the King, Queen, Prince and Princess, along with a series of other rock formations with names that suggest these guides are cool and also had a lot of free time at one point.

Depending on the guide you get and possibly your age group you’ll see Sumaguing Cave with very different eyes. Over time I have reminisced about the fun we had there, as the deeper inside we went the wetter we got and yes, I do believe we got the best guide that time… whose name I can’t remember because I fail at life.

Before we entered, we waited for our gas lamp to light up properly, as it gets so dark inside you could easily get injured without seeing past a few meters in any direction. Overall it takes about an hour and a half to make it to the end and back, but the time may vary depending on how many stops you have to make for explanations about the cave or if someone in your crew gets tired.

Rock formations inside form stalactites, stalagmites, water holes, waterfalls and smooth rock walls. Inside you could also find bats (which you can’t really see because they’re way up in the ceiling) and the water gets colder the deeper you go.

Northern Philippines • What Happens in the Porn Cave

Sumaguing Cave is a blast if you’ve got the physical chops to do it and you go in with a fun attitude. Xopau, Stef and I had to clamber, rappel and even swim once we got to the end, where there’s a natural pool waiting to chill inside. On the way we goofed about a lot, but our guide was cool with it, and right before we got to the pool, we met a group of Philippine kids also on holiday and they tagged along until we got out of the pool.

On the way back we stumbled upon a very large group of school kids who had a hardy laugh at my expense when I feel on my face in a puddle of water without noticing them. I can’t say that doesn’t happen often, I’m a klutz. One of the kids actually got a big round of cheers and clapping when Stef kissed him in the cheek in front of the whole group. Fun times.

Sumaguing Cave is definitely a must if you’re in the area. Afterwards I visited other caves in my travels, but none managed to be as fun as this one. Next stop: Bomod-Ok Falls.


Welcome to The Big Journey. Where a Panamanian roams the Earth in search for purpose, adventure and answers. Part of the Pateando Calle series, find the archive here. Thank you for tagging along.

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